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Top tips - how to build rapport

At work, creating rapport with your colleagues and customers is crucial; it is the foundation upon which trust is built.  But have you ever noticed how some people seem to achieve rapport effortlessly, clicking with people and creating an aura of likeability?

Their secret lies in an ability to mirror and match those around them and the good news is - it’s a skill that can be learnt. 

Mirroring is a method of building a strong "second position" with someone else whether they are a colleague, client or customer. To get a sense of the influence and effects of mirroring, try out the following:

Exercise 1

1. Choose a colleague as a ‘guinea pig’ to work with but don’t tell them what you will be doing during the conversation.

2. Initiate conversation and ask the person their opinion on various subjects.

3. As the conversation flows, begin subtly mirroring the other person's physiology, including voice tone and tempo. This can be most easily done in the context of 'active listening'; reflecting back statements the person has made, by commenting, "So what you are saying is....", and then stating your understanding of the person's opinion.

4. You need to aim to match posture, gestures, tone of voice, speech speed and volume. Complete mirroring extends to mirroring the other person’s breathing rate; try to notice what it feels like when you have reached this level of rapport.

5. Try testing the degree of rapport by "second guessing" the other person's opinion on a couple of subjects. Often mirroring will give you access to information that is being unconsciously communicated and received, and you will "pick up" information about the other person without being consciously aware of how you got it.

6. You can also test the level of rapport by abruptly mis-matching the other person’s language, posture etc. You should pick up on a strong jolt if you do this and feel as though the nature of the rapport has changed.
7. Before concluding and telling your partner what you were doing, make sure you have reestablished rapport by once again physically mirroring your partner.

Micro-mirroring

Micro-mirroring is easy to achieve although practice is required to ensure that it does not looked studied and ‘obvious’ to the other person.  Subtlety is key with mirroring – make the communication too obvious and you risk slipping into mimicry, this will be noticed by the other person and leads to feelings of mistrust or even worse, that they are being manipulated.

You can micro-mirror: body posture, spinal alignment, hand gestures, head tilt, blink rate, facial expression, energy levels, breathing rates and vocal qualities.

Exercise 2

To test this out, try it out in conversation again:
1. Choose one of your partner’s behaviors (e.g. breathing rate) match this with one of your behaviors (e.g. speaking rate.) Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops.

2. To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, and then do that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror. When this is done elegantly, it is seamless and highly effective but practice makes perfect.

3. Backtracking is another key skill needed to deepen rapport. This simply means taking the opportunity to give back to the person the information you are receiving. This lets the person know that you were listening and that you understand without judgment. It also gives you a chance to ensure your own understanding and/or ask for clarification. If you were matching posture, breathing, key words and gestures, voice characteristics and did not attempt to backtrack your rapport would eventually slip through the cracks. The backtrack is the thread that tightens the rapport.

4. Loosing rapport is like loosing you balance – you fall and get back up again. When you lose rapport you have to find a way to regain it. Some of the ways to regain rapport are to backtrack accurately, mirror posture, breathing, key words and gestures and voice characteristics.

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